Stupid Time Machine is coming to Chicago

Dearest STM friends and fans,

Stupid Time Machine will be traveling to windy city this January to perform at Chicago SketchFest.  This is one of the biggest and best sketch comedy festivals in country, and we couldn’t be more stoked to be attending.  We will be performing Friday, January 14th at 8pm and Saturday, January 15th at 7pm.

Would you like to help ensure that we have a kick ass show?  Great. Help us spread the word about the show on the interwebs.     Here are two quick things you can do to help us in under a five minutes:

1.) Watch our Sketchfest video

Each week the website Atom.com runs an online tournament for the funniest video.  The video with the most views wins.  As part of a special Chicago Sketchfest edition of the tournament, we have entered our video, “Stalkers Wanted.”  Let’s watch the ass off this thing.  If our video gets the most views this week, we win 500 bucks – a pretty sum we’ll use to pay for lodging in Chi-town.  Even if we don’t win, multiple views will lend us an increased visibility that hopefully will attract comedy heads in Chicago to come see us perform.  Also great.

Step one: Click HERE to see our video
Step two: If you like it, share it.  (the Atom.com viewer gives you a handy button that instantly post the video to facebook)

Watch “Stalkers Wanted” on Atom.com

Link:  
http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/3EFBFFFF020982FF0017012A82C3/

2.) Tell your Chicago friends about our show

We all know people in Chicago.  If you happen to have friends there who would dig our style, shoot them a quick message letting them know about our show.  It could be as simple as:

“Hey, my friends are in a comedy group called Stupid Time Machine.  They are coming to Chicago Sketchfest and performing on January 14th and 15th.  I think you would like their show.  You can find more out about it here:  
http://stupidtimemachine.wordpress.com/sketchfest-2011/
“

However you choose to do it, we’d love any help we can get spreading the word.  Thanks again.  And we hope to see some of you – the most handsome of you – in Chicago.

Q&A: Transformers, Parties, and Improv

And now for a brief dip into the mailbag to answer some of your burning questions:

Amanda McBee (age 41) from Marblehead, Massachusetts writes:
“Dear STM, remember transformers?  Those were so cools.  Like how they turned into cars and whatnot.  How come you think they never made a Transformers that turned into like a building or a nice landscape?”

Well Amanda, it is a little known fact that in 1992, the toy company Hasbro, the makers of the popular Transformers toys, produced another toy called Architectrons (Guardians of the Metropolis). These were a short lived and epically unsuccessful line of Transformers that transformed from fully-armed fighting robots into structurally sound and ascetically pleasing homes and office buildings.   After failures like Suburbia-bot (complete with two-car-garage plasma cannon) and Synagogue-a-tron (“he’s built mazel-tough”), the company abandoned the concept completely.  The public, they believed, would never be ready for a transforming building.

…Until Now.  Public, may I introduce you to The FACTORY (A Skip n’ Whistle Joint).  
Located on Oak Street, this stylish industrial shop space spends its days serving as the secret lab and screen printing shop for the bad-ass New Orleans designers and T-shirt makers Skip n’ Whistle.

At night, however, The FACTORY transforms into a dimly-lit, packed-to-the-walls home for parties, shows, and of course, Stupid Time Machine’s super secret weekly comedy show Improv on Oak Street.

This week, get twice the goodness

Tuesday, October 5th, Stupid Time Machine Show (Improv on Oak Street)
8:30pm

Because you’ve realized that there is no better way to spend a Tuesday night than grabbing your friends and drinking and laughing the night away in the company of the other happy strangers who have come to migrate to Oak Street for this weekly ritual.   Comedy from Stupid Time Machine, a free bucket of beer to the biggest group of fans, and the smell of barbecue at our front door.  It doesn’t get sweeter.

.

.

Thursday  October 7th, iHeartNOLA launch party
8:00PM

The official launch party for iHeartNOLA.com and slowsouthernstyle.com, this event will feature a live DJ, showcases from some of New Orleans’ best designers and artists, copious drinks, and of course stone-cold improv comedy from us.

Scott Simon and his people know how to throw it down.  Whatever you do, get yourself here.
Click here to see more and buy tickets
$10 at the door ($5 online pre order)

Its all happening this week at The Factory
8314 Oak Street (Right next to The Maple Leaf Bar)

Swine Flu Q & A

With Stupid Time Machine’s popular sketch review “Love in the Time of Swine Flu” returning this Friday (March 5th at 8:30pm), we decided to open the old mailbag and answer some questions about the show.  Let’s get started.

Dear Stupid Time Machine, Will I catch Swine Flu at your show?
Theresa from Dallas, TX

Theresa, no, you will not catch swine flu.  The title of the show is just a reflection of the time that we live in.  That’s a pretty silly question.  I’m not a doctor, but I believe you can only catch swine flu by having unprotected sex with pigs.  And just because you buy a ticket, it does not mean that you can have pig on woman sex at our show.  There are a lot of risks with such a situation in a crowded theater, not the least of which is many people discovering that they have always been secretly attracted to animals.  My Uncle Dave was really into that stuff.  His ex-wife was a goat and he would always bring her to family functions.  The family never cared for her because my Uncle acted differently and we all knew she was behind it.  “I hate you and your fucking goat wife”, my mother would yell before breaking a beer bottle on the kitchen counter to stab someone with.  Wait…I don’t have an Uncle Dave.  Who was that guy?

 

"Uncle" Dave and Aunt Dolly

 

Dear Stupid Time Machine, I hear that your show is about love.  Will I fall in love after watching your show?
Tiffany from Hollywood, FL

Tiffany, I would like to tell you that you will not fall in love.  However, the truth is, there have been 95 pregnancies from our audience members since we first ran the show in November.  We are really proud of all of these babies.  All of them except for Sherman.  Sherman is a dick!  He’s always crying and sleeping.  He even shits himself!  The guy actually shits himself!  Can you believe that?  My baby will never be like that jerk baby Sherman.  My kid will be a masculine boy who oozes both sex appeal and future human intelligence.  And he won’t shit himself like you, Sherman!

 

Shut up, Sherman! Jerk.

 

Is it hard to write sketch comedy?
Mitchell from Des Moines, IA

Mitchell, it is unbelievably hard to write sketch comedy.  You have to be pretty sharp to come up with quality sketches.  Think about it.  Have you ever seen a NASA sketch show?  I don’t think so. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to come up with something better than a commercial involving a talking monkey advertising a penis pump.  WE WROTE THAT!  You cannot steal it!  So, Mitchell, if you are thinking of starting a sketch group, I advise you to think again.  You can’t beat our great ideas and there is no point in trying.  Just come to the shows and let us make you laugh.  Besides, if you steal the monkey penis pump sketch, get your suit pressed and ready to go to court.  My cousin Steve is a pretty good attorney when he isn’t doing air conditioning repair.  You’ve been warned.

 

The comedy writing team behind Stupid Time Machine brainstorming the "prostitute fireman" sketch

 

With all that being said, come see the show that was featured in the 2009 New Orleans Fringe Festival, 2010 New Orleans Comedy Arts Festival, and toured Texas at the Dallas Comedy House and Austin’s New Movement Theater. Whether you are someone who has seen the show, only heard about it, or one of the many who was turned away from the sold out shows, we welcome you to see “Love in the Time of Swine Flu” one last time before we retire it.  Only one word of advice: If you want a ticket, get there early. This Friday at 8:30 and Saturday at 9.  The show will run next weekend as well.  Tickets are $8.  La Nuit Theater 5039 Freret St. New Orleans, LA

www.twitter.com/STMcomedy

Q & A: Business and Politics

Dear Stupid Time Machine, why do you hate the Red Cross so much?  Josh from Yonkers, NY

Dear Josh,we don’t just hate the Red Cross.  We like to think of the Red Cross as the bane of our existence.  Have you ever seen those people from the Red Cross?  They are always ringing their racist bells and trying to harass you to donate to their extremist cause.  Sorry, buddy, but if your cause is racism, than we are not interested.  It makes us sick.  And then you tell us that your God will bless us.  Bless us with what…..racism??? No thanks.

FOLLOW UP: We have since been informed that the Red Cross is an actual charity that indeed does a lot of good and is NOT racist.  For future reference, the Red Cross is not to be confused with the White Cross: southern brotherhood of arian believers.  The names sound similar. Our mistake. Red Cross, we owe you a lot of donations in exchange for the confused screams and punches that we delivered to your Santas in the name of racial equality.  Sorry.

 

We owe Red Cross Santa Clause an apology

 

Dear Stupid Time Machine, I’m in sales and business is rough.  How do I pull myself out of this rut and make some money? Kevin from Waco, TX

Dear Kevin, the most important thing to keep in mind is that you need to hustle.  You can’t wait for the sales to walk right up to you.  Here’s an example. We know a guy in sales named Randy. He is the biggest hustler of business that you will ever meet.  He is known around town as Johnny The Proactive Prostitute.  He doesn’t just go around looking for “parties”.  He creates the “parties” by offering “johns” quality deals.  Be creative with your sex sales.  Johnny offers many erotic “sales”, fellatio “coupons”, and something called stache “savers”.  We are not interested in his services, but we can say that he offers some really great deals. He is the epitome of sex trade capitalism.  So, sir, take a lesson from Johnny.  It doesn’t matter if it’s male prostitution, telemarketing, or male prostitution.  The point is that sales are sales.  It’s all about the hustle.

 

Johnny the Proactive Prostitute has a sharp mind for business and so should you.

 

Dear Stupid Time Machine,  Sarah Palin is all over TV with her book tour.  Do you think that she has a good shot to become the Republican presidential nominee in 2012? Samantha from Portland, OR

Dear Samantha, we are so sick of the liberal media tearing her apart.  Listen up, America! We don’t want our president to be able to readily name the books that they’ve read.  What if her favorite books are R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series?  Will there be a run on Goosebumps titles at bookstores and cause the entire nation to be left terrified? (Remember the one with the talking dummy?  Aaaagggghhhh! Also, remember the show Ghost Writer?) She’s looking out for us, folks. And by the way, if it is unpresidential to shoot polar bears out of a helicopter, we don’t want to be Americans.  Fuck polar bears!  They are nature’s collar popping douchebags. Furthermore, it’s high time that we had a president with sexy legs.  The last president with killer gams was Millard Fillmore and he presided over granting territorial status to New Mexico.  I think we all thank our lucky stars for that one every day.  The point is that Sarah Palin is amazing and there is no more qualified person for president in 2012.  We can’t see Russia from where we live.  Think about it.

 

Two drunken Polar Bear a-holes outside of the Friar Tuck's Frat Bar and Douchebag Hut

 

Submit your questions to: stupidtimemachine@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/STMcomedy